There was a brief period in my life when I was a sleepwalker. It was when I was a waitress in college. I would have vivid stress dreams of getting the food out to the right people and not dropping it, and that I couldn't find the waitress station. In my dream I knew it was somewhere between our living room and our kitchen, but I couldn't find it. Turns out I was wandering around my parent's house all night long. I know it because at one point I had to get something out of the oven so I got a hot pad from the top drawer of my dresser and in the morning I found a pair of my clean underwear on the breadboard next to the oven in the kitchen. I suspect that I've sleepwalked other times too, in fact, I suspect I was sleepwalking the other night.
We went to a barbeque at my friend Dana's house. She made me a cocktail called a "Southern Hospitality" (said in a thick southern drawl). It's made with Southern Comfort, watermelon schnapps, and Red Bull. It was so good. It tasted like a Jolly Rancher. So I had another one. Mitch drove home.
While I was sleeping that night I had vivid dreams. I dreamed that I was still at Dana's house and I was using her bathroom and I decided that my teeth really needed a good brushing so I took a toothbrush out of her toothbrush cup (which, coincidentally, was exactly like mine) and I started brushing my teeth. It felt a little weird so I looked and it wasn't my orange toothbrush like I expected it to be, it was a black one. Was I using Dana's toothbrush? I bet she wouldn't like that. Oh well, I thought, she will never have to know, and I kept brushing my teeth.
Then I wandered into her kitchen which, again, was just like mine. Same white tile floor. I dreamed I was sitting on a stool in the middle of the floor and I suddenly really had to go to the bathroom. I didn't want to pee in Dana's kitchen, but I couldn't seem to stop myself, so I peed and felt so much better but at the same time felt guilty for making such a big mess in her kitchen.
Then I woke up in my bed in a panic because I know that having detailed dreams of peeing is never a good thing so I thrashed around in utter dread, thinking I wet my bed. I didn't. Thank goodness. Mitch would NEVER let me live that down. Then I thought maybe (oh sweet Jesus, please no) I got up and peed all over the kitchen. But I wasn't wet. So I went back to sleep. Then I dreamed that there was a hidden room behind Dana's bathroom that looked just exactly like Sam's room. In fact, Sam was sleeping in it. Did Dana know about this? Is Sam leading a double life? In my dream I told myself to remember to tell her about the hidden room behind her bathroom, but I wasn't going to tell her Sam was living in it.
In the morning I got up and discovered that nobody had urinated all over the kitchen. I was totally ready to blame the dog if I found a big puddle of pee in there, but thankfully, there was none. I did, however, have a suspiciously empty bladder, and surprisingly clean teeth. So, did I walk around my house all night dreaming I was still at Dana's party? Was it the Southern Comfort, the watermelon schnapps, or the Red Bull that gave me such a weird night? Nobody will ever know.
Are you a sleepwalker?