Friday, June 1, 2012

Saggy Pants

"Excuse me, Sir?  Your butt is hanging out.
Thought you'd want to know."

In the last few years of subbing I've seen more and more of the latest in "I'm-a-badass-gangsta" fashion of wearing pants not just low, but totally below the butt.  These boys wear their pants BELOW. THEIR. BUTTS.  And they think it makes them look really tough.  They basically have to wear a belt cinched tightly across their upper thighs to prevent the pants from falling all the way off (cuz, boy would that be embarrassing!) so their clothing choice is actually hindering their movement, much like high heels (but that's another post), and their back pockets, conveniently located at arm's reach when the pants are worn properly, are waaaaaaay down behind the wearer's knees.  It looks so stupid.  Not only is it hindering their movement, but their butts are hanging out.  It's like they're trying to say, "Hi, my name is BiTchH8R (Josh) and I have no dignity."

I've seen the teachers in the high schools beg them to pull up their pants and the kids argue and tell them to stop nagging them.  This is how they want to look blah blah blah.  And the teachers plead with them by saying, "Please pull your pants up.  That looks so stupid." and then the kids inevitably get all huffy and say, "You think I'm stupid!?"  The question is never answered but the answer is always YES.

Well, today I found the solution.  I was subbing at an elementary school and had my class out on the playground.  The kindergartners were out too with the "Trailblazers," teenage delinquents from the local residential school.  I love watching the Trailblazers try to deal with the kindergartners because five year olds are not intimidated by ANYONE so the tough-guy act is totally wasted.  It turns out that after you cut through the posturing, the Trailblazers aren't that tough after all.  One of them was playing tag with a bunch of the kindergartners (or he was just running for his life, I don't know) and his big shirt came up and his butt was hanging out. When the little girl at the front of the pack saw that she stopped, pointed and screeched, "I SEE LONDON! I SEE FRANCE!" and that boy yanked his pants up so fast she didn't even get to finish.  After a while I looked around and all of the Trailblazers had their pants pulled up.  Hmmmm...

So my idea is to hire a kindergartner to come with me to every job I do next year.  They are very intimidating.  They aren't afraid of anything and nobody messes with them.  And wouldn't they have a fantastic time at the high schools pointing out how many times they see London and France?  Pants would be pulled up all over town.  

11 comments:

  1. Did you know that baggy pants originated in prisons? Prisoners would lower their pants to tell others that they were ready and able to receive backdoor loving.

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  2. hahahah! leave it to five years olds to set the world straight.

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  3. That is the best. idea. ever. I love the visual of that little girl!

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  4. Even if I was in prison and was DYING for anal sex, I wouldn't wear my pants like that. It would be too uncomfortable. When my husband and I bought our first house there was a sign by the backdoor that said, "Backdoor Guests are Best!" I would put that sign up in my cell as an advertisement instead.

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  5. That is an awesome idea! I don't understand the reasons behind wearing pants like that. It'd be one thing if your underwear was made from satin and encrusted with jewels, but they're usually just wearing plain, cotton boxers. What are they trying to show off?

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  6. Josh stole my comment! Stop reading my mind, dammit!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  7. Wouldn't it be perfectly within the rights of the school to require pants pulled up? Signed, Hal Hexum's daughter.

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    1. You are funny. I think they have certain dress codes, but I suppose as long as their ass is covered then they are technically in compliance.

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  8. OMG this is so funny!! Really does anybody die for anal sex??? Just sayin'

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  9. So awesome!! thank you!!!!

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  10. That is the best idea. I love the visual of that little girl!

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