The reason I want to steal from Sam's Club is because the lines are always so long and because after you wait 20 minutes in line and pay, you walk a straight line TWENTY FEET to the exit and before you can get the HELL out of there, some lady has to check your slip against everything in your cart and okay it on the receipt with a highlighter.
What the fuck is with that?
And she really checks! She moves things and looks under other things. What could I possibly steal while I walked in a line from the cash register to the door? What happens if they don't check it? Who's checking for the stupid highlighter mark? Why must they waste my time being totally redundant and insulting at the same time? "Just makin' sure nobody steals!" Like it would be hard to steal something if you really wanted to.
Today the anti-theft lady made comments about what I was buying! Ugh! Shut up lady! I don't care if you also use the half-gallon jug of Astro-Glide and it has changed your marriage. I don't care, and I'm already pissed off because I've just waited in TWO long lines.
So the next time I go, I'm taking something. I haven't decided on what yet. Probably something small and cheap because I don't want to commit grand larceny and I don't think I could slip a big screen tv past even the dumbest employee. Any ideas?